Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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