A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
