So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
