i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
