I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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