When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
