It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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