he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
