Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I deserve this hangover.
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