its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
