If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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