how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
