I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
