I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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