At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Text me some of your sweat
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