Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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