we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
