Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
