your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
