I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
