I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I wish I only lived at night.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
