you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize