Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
