I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
