Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
