Your dad touched me again.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize