and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
