I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
