i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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