Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
