Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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