you guys were way drunker than both of me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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