You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
