never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
