I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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