stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
