I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
