Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
