When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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