And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
