You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
