for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
