So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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