we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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