Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
