So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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