My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
