physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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