I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize