and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just had sex on a roof
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
