well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
