If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
