Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i think i have two assholes
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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