I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
