Screwed.edu
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
