cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
