ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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