you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
