his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
