He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
