my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
