Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
