I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
