he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
