I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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