we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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