Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
