If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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