I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Randomize