I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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