genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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