oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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