it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
