yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
