Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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