Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
