He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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